mrsspaigee56's Blog

November 3, 2012:Saturday

Today, I slept until 7:30a.m. I almost missed my breakfast. thank god i got up. Last night they gave me my sleeping meds. and all morning i t had mwe dizzy and my head was hurting really bad. I haven't got my ProZak or Addreal this morning though. After i ate breakfast i went back to sleep, slept til 9:37a.m. My mom came to visit me and we didnt have a real good time. we argued and she those alligator tears on me! I left the room. I was sitting in the hallway and the new guy Chris walked up to me and sat infront of me and was like, "You're pretty"
"Hey, you wanna kiss''
''We can't''
''We'll get in trouble, silly you''
''I want you" he said.
i responded as ''ummmm, that's sweet of you. Thanks''
He stares at me and stuff its kinda weird but its nothing i cant handle. whenever my mom was leaving we sat and talked for a few minutes until group started. Groups are fun! I enjol group sessions. O went to get a chair before and Ilisah was trying to swing and hit his mom. YOu better believe i back up! I drank my juice after group and finished coloring my picture. It looks really amazing. Its going on my wall whenever i get home! I really miss Kevin. I hope my mom doesnt get him in trouble. I know what i did was wrong and all by not telling him the truth about my age. Its my fault i lied. He doesnt know he was in the wrong. He was the one person that didn't pay me! I wonder if he still thinks im 17 or if he know my real age? I hope Jay goes to jail. Oonly because i find he really needs help to get off drugs. I dont want him to die. He really is a good guy, but Kevin. He has a little boy. I know he loves him a lot. I dont want that poor little boy to go through all the pain and heartache i had to go through with my dad being a pedifile. Jay is 23 and know im 14, he's the one in the wrong to his knowing. I hope my mom is okay with everything. I know she isnt but still i hope she is doing good. I hate myself for doing those things. my mom doesnt know about my other phone obviously. thats the phonr i use to get all my hook ups on. I dont want people to know my actual personal phone number. Jay and Kevin are the only two guys that have my real number. I took kevin out and put him into my hook up phone because i had a feeling i was going to get my phone taken. I just put Kevin Greenley in there. I meet him Monday. My mom doesnt know or even have a clue about my other phone. I dont keep it at home. i know they raded my whole room me being gone and stuff. i miss talking to Danny. Thats my Tennessee buddy like Drake. Those two boys mean the world and the moom to me! They would never hurt me as it seem. Most guys do that now a day. GIrls are the same in some ways thought dont get me wrong my generation is full of bitches and pricks!! I love chilling with my room-mate now! Shes such a blond. She mad cool and shit. Shes always making me laugh. Life is important to me. i wanna go home and see jossen. i bet jossen misses me a bunch. I miss him a whole lot. I relaly wanna talk to him. He's in some of my classes at school. I picture me being happy in the future. with him or without. See i wont be like my mom. i dont have to rely on a guy to make me happy!

Why I dont like my mother.

 I dont like my mother because she had brun so many men into my life that wasnt wanted. She knows it effects us. i know that she does. It effects everyone around her. Friends, Family,&& kids. She brings men in just to push them out it seems. I know itsn not like that but uits how it comes off to me. 
she acts like everything is fine. Its not fine. Just because she is feelings perfect with her new husband Hank shouldnt mean we will all be happy and not give a fuck! Shit, whats this stepdad number 3 for me? i get close them they just break away. I dont get close to people anymore because i am terrified not knowing when they might just decide they dont love each other anymore. So mant people coming in and then out of my life, in and out of my future, hurts! She clearly doesnt feel as if she can be happy with us..her kids...not needing a man. 
 She always thinks she knows what is better for me. she doesnt1 She barely even knows me as a daughter! So i dont understand why she thinks as if she can rule my life! i have not idea where the fuck that pile of shit came from but i honestly dont give a fuck! She needs to find whats better for herself before she tries to find whats better for someone she barley even know! 
She always changes to try and make her husband for this week happy. She needs to be herself not some fake wife! I hate her husband! i want to shot him in his knee! Him and her are driving my "bitch" self crazy. If she gets with a guy and hes a dick shes a bitch if she  gets with a loser she becomes a loser if she gets with a control fuck shes strict as fuck! Whenever she isnt with a man shes her self! I miss that! 

November 2, 2012: Friday

 Just to caught you up from yesterday, I got home from school pissed of at the world. my mom pissed me off even more by not letting me drive even though that was our deal. "I go to school, she lets me drive." what a pile of bullshit. I asked whenever i would be un-grounded just from seeing my friends. she didn't give me the answer I wanted to hear! I was pissed off out of my mind. I got home and on my radio was a note saying she didn't like my music playing which made me explode with anger. Its was just the icing on the cupcake! She called the cops and they came to talk to me. She has Miranda come in my room and take the phone that i pay for! She is probably going through my phone right now.. Omg.. i hope she doesn't find out about Kevin!! :0!! God! No! I honestly wanted to tell him the truth but I really like him a lot :l. Anyways, as i was typing. I was pissed off at her so damn much. I was going to leave. ASAP!  I didn't though. I'm done running away from my problems. I'm here to fight this. I went into the laundry room to do my laundry but may I add I was just going to save me the first laundry spot! I had no clean clothes! It was like 5:45. We cant do laundry in our house until 7:00p.m. because it raises up the light bill which is clearly harder to pay than a low bill.  Hank (which is my moms husband) started running his mouth. him and myself haven't got along since he came into my mothers life! he was raising hell and shit. I just listened to his rant. not like i give a fuck what he has to say to me. Hes worthless! i told him to go kill himself. He didn't... damn:/! while his ass distracted me my mother went into my room and took my radio may i add she already had my television. not like i watched it that much anyways but music..... that's my life.! I was drawing dead people and shit. i draw all the time i draw everything you can think of. I drew a women being hung and a wrist that was slit. My mom already hand the cops here once that day. They decided to call a social worker and have her come to the house. i was being a prostitute which is very unsafe. i know! The women got here and my mother told him about my drawings so by the weed smoking and prostitution they took me to West Palm Hospital- Mental Heath Unit. God. to my surprise my best-friend Peter was here. Having to tell everyone in group about that dirty thing i did was hard to talk about. I did what i did and i have to accept it. It's life accept shit! I enjoyed being here with peter though. i dont feel so alone.  
Later that day.
  now its 4:30 p.m.(other words room time). I'm just sitting here all bored. Yo man, my room-mate had to get hit with some booty juice. Crazy shit her not wanting to go home and everything. I dont know her story so therefore i must not judge her. Mariah is about to get on my nerves with her smart ass mouth. I dont want to get into it with her and then them, actually have a reason to keep me here. I love but everyone else thinks other wise. Hold-on. Sorry was knocking on the wall to my friends next door. Making them  beats you know. So im actually putting out there why i dont like my mom. 
2 hours later.
just got off the phone with my mom and of course shes being a selfish bitch! Im really getting tired and pissed off. I just want my phone that i fucking pay for! If i have to fuck nasty guys again to get a prepaid phone ill do it! clearly my mom doesnt give a fuck if i do or shed give it back instead of listening to me tell her im going to go do it. Emily can suppoert herself. ill pay for a phone and i guess anything else. i have to stop after that. 

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Previous Posts
November 3, 2012:Saturday, posted November 8th, 2012
Why I dont like my mother., posted November 8th, 2012
November 2, 2012: Friday, posted November 8th, 2012

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